SEO butthead detection in 5 easy steps

SEO is complicated, and it’s easy to fall for a ripoff artist, or someone who’s just clueless. But there are some easy ways to detect SEO buttheads. Here’s how you can tell if someone making big promises is utterly full of horse manure:

1: The spam e-mail

Butthead indicator #1: The unsolicited e-mail.
Strength: 2/5
In an effort to upgrade my karma, I’ve cut way back on outing of incompetent/dishonest SEO firms. But I got an e-mail this week that got my blood boiling:

A former Google optimization specialist! Wow!

Never, ever work with an SEO who sends you unsolicited e-mail or contacts you out of the blue.

2: The ‘former Google employee’ claim

Butthead indicator #2: The ‘We have a former Google employee’ claim.
Strength: Infinity times 10000000
This particular SEO crap artist informed me, in the e-mail and on their site, that their founder is a ‘former Google optimization specialist.’ A little digging revealed that yes, the founder is a former optimization specialist—a former Adwords optimization specialist.
Adwords is Google’s paid advertising platform. It has no relationship to the world of SEO. They worded their claim very carefully, but let’s call it what it is: A total lie.

Liar! You worked on Adwords, not SEO

The ‘Adwords optimization’ team at Google helps clients spend more money on Google Adwords. They sure as hell don’t help clients rank higher in the organic, unpaid rankings. If they did that, their clients would spend less on Adwords.
Never work with someone who tries to use their previous Google employment to say they have some secret knowledge of SEO. They’re almost certainly twisting their words. A Google massage therapist can’t help you rank any better than a Yahoo! massage therapist.

3: Incompetence

Butthead indicator #3: Total SEO incompetence.
Strength: 4/5
Go to the web site of your supposed SEO savior. Click ‘View >> Source’ and look at the HTML code. If you see this:

No title tag? Really?! Are you serious?!!!!

…then you’re about to be buried in SEO bullshit.
The title tag is the most important on-page ranking factor. A poorly-written one means the SEO firm in question is careless. A non-existent one means they’re either complete idiots, or they’re going to transfer your checks to the Cayman Islands and ignore you.

4: Links

Butthead indicator #4: No links. Zero. Zip. Nada.
Strength: 3/5
Links ain’t what they used to be, but I’d expect any SEO worth their salt to at least have a few sites pointing at them:

Uh oh. No more links.

Ooooops. They gots no linkage! Even their own site doesn’t show up as an incoming link.
Actually, that’s a remarkable technical achievement. I gotta give them a hat-tip. I’ve never seen anyone achieve 100% link stealth before.
But wait! Maybe Open Site Explorer shows a few links:

1 link!!!

One. Link.
If your SEO firm can’t scrounge up a few links for themselves, they won’t be able to do it for you.

5: Crap rankings

Butthead indicator #5: Rankings that look like word vomit.
Strength: 5/5
Finally, do a site:www.crapseosite.com search on Google and see how their rankings look (replace crapseosite.com with the crap SEO site in question). If they look like this:

It's rankings crap-o-mania!

These SEO ‘experts’ are morons. Avoid.

Be careful

Even if the firm you’re talking to passes all these tests, be sure to look carefully:

1. Talk to their clients.
2. Search on their brand name for reputation problems.
3. Talk to the people you’ll be working with. Make sure you can trust them.

But if they have any of the 5 Butthead Signals, don’t waste your time. Find someone who at least has the courtesy to lie creatively.